Let me just say that I don't know exactly what it is that I'm getting ready to say, but writing is therapeutic and hopefully something coherent will come out of this because I have to get these things off my chest... I'm a Christian so I believe Jesus when he prescribes forgiveness 100% of the time for 100% of everything. The bible also prescribes reconciliation, I am not your pastor so I won't be giving you the verses, you can go check google if you don't have a bible or roll your eyes if you're an atheist: my blog my words - I digress... Anyway Paul's formula is go make things right with the person first and if they apologize accept it and go on your merry way. Paul wasn't the Messiah so he knew how fucked up people can be so he said if the person pisses you off further regarding the same issue THEN you can invite someone else *elders of the church he said* and they can hear both sides and hopefully broker peace... Sometimes this works sometimes it doesn't, some people's fucked-upness knows no bounds so if they still refuse to see the light then you're free to dismiss the person and have no further dealings with them, no it doesn't say nurse a grudge, just stay out of each others way.
I try as hard as I can to live by this, I don't think I hold grudges but sometimes like once or twice I have stopped talking to people just because I like to protect my space from ratchetness. So far I'm aware of 1 person that I don't speak to, she's "family" in that way that Africans believe that having the same surname makes us family... What was her crime? She cursed me out in Zulu. See for some reason English cuss words don't cut as deep as Zulu ones and I'm a good 9 years older than this girl and I don't care whether you're jumping off a cliff or losing your mind I don't tolerate disrespect and she never bothered to come and apologize to me, however I did text that I had forgiven her although I never want her in my space, I had to block her from fb because she would look over my page and go spread gossip about whatever she found there without fact verification, she continues to talk about me but I have told our other"family members" not to answer questions about me from her and not to inform me of whatever she says because I don't acknowledge her existence, you're well within your rights to engage ME on this one, I'm at peace. I don't define that as a grudge.
Now we get to the things that are bothering me... A few people like to reach out to me from time to time so I have to recount those stories so you know what I'm on about. The things our men do to us... Firstly its weird how we forgive and reconcile with our men for cheating on us but we hardly *never* do same with the women they participate with... Just putting that out there. Then we forgive and reconcile with the man who cheats, beats, undermines and generally undermines us time and time again, in most instances brother man is not even your husband or fiance he's just a brutha passing through your life and you allow him to drag you through the manure, only for him to leave you and you get bitter at his new woman and become his side chick... Do we not see? Where is the love there? We should forgive methinks, but we need to love as well and love does not hurt intentionally time and time again. Relationships should be happy for both of us if only one of us is having fun, I don't know what that is but it sure ain't love! I'm not saying bear a grudge against him I'm saying let him go YOU'RE the catch after all the bible says that thing about HE who finds a wife finds a good thing ladies YOU are the good thing please know your worth and treat yourself as such. I mean one of the ladies told me that he had given her HIV and he didn't apologize he told her to do whatever she thought was right... What did she do? All I know is she didn't protect herself from further pain, now she's getting her children outfits for his upcoming wedding, last night he spent the night at her place and they didn't use a condom, she's hoping to fall pregnant... Oh ladies:-(
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