I'm the worst! I swear I'm so addicted to love especially Hollywood love. I've watched Armageddon at least a million times and I still cry EVERY single time! Weddings? I totally adore them except the vows always end with me weeping, sometimes it's joy that other time it was because the groom's secretly pregnant side chick was in the church. So typically I'm one of those red roses pink outfit chicks on Valentine's Day. Strangely I don't like to be given chocolate as a gift - for any occasion - don't do it, I don't even care if it's the expensive kind, I don't dig it.
This then reminded me of past Valentine's Days and the best was by far 2014 when I took myself out to watch 50 Shades of Grey ALONE because I had gotten dumped by silent treatment the day before. I got so deliciously drunk courtesy of some cheap Rosè ( I never drink Rosè but I was pressured into buying it trying to act like I was planning a romantic rendezvous in front of work colleagues)... I went to a party that weekend and let's say my Valentine's weekend had a happy ending.
Some other year I'd just had a baby and been talking about "losing baby weight" just talking, I don't know why people take such conversations seriously but I got running shoes for Valentine's Day! The flood of tears that followed shame poor guy: there are tears then there are postpartum-hormonal-lonely-bitch tears! No wonder that relationship ended I think I really freaked him out that day. He offered to return them I can't remember why I refused but I cried for a whole week after he'd given them to me and started using them a month later during that hot minute when I was working out. I told you I'm the worst!
My all time low though was that time when I wasn't making good choices... So I gave him money and hinted at a gift. He bought a cheaper version of what I was hinting at and used the rest on drugs! His not mine! Rejoice! Your love life couldn't possibly be worse than mine please pat yourself on the back and any time you feel you've been a fool be reminded of me please!
What did I learn though? I learned that Hollywood isn't real and I needed to let go of the fantasy. I learned also that it's not the gifts that make or break Valentine's Day because this one time I got a dozen red roses but the man disappeared and resurfaced 2 days later claiming to have gone to an "emergency funeral" of his brother's uncle's cousin's cousin.
Gifts are nice. Extremely so. Intimacy is even better though. I know you can't brag EFFECTIVELY on Instagram about intimacy but which matters more? If you can have both you're definitely #Blessed and I for one celebrate you in advance.
I love LOVE. I love to give love I'm learning how to receive love these days and boy is it a journey. I still think love letters are hands down thee most romantic gesture ever, alas I've never received one. But I'm open. Laughter too! It's kinda hard to sit there laughing with someone and not feel a certain closeness to them. So I am still the incurable romantic I've always been, just deeper. More real. More open, accepting and receptive to all the shades of love that I currently have the privilege to benefit from these days.
