I'm sure I have told the story of the passing of my babies somewhere on this blog. If I haven't sorry I'm too happy to discuss it today. What I will say is that those 2 incidents were the worst and best things that have ever happened to me. Would I do it again? NO I would take the lessons any day and nix the actual occurences. What did learn? Oooh thank you for asking that's my favorite question to answer.
Well, I learned God. I didn't learn ABOUT him I learned HIM/HER/IT/WE/US what ever how ever you define God *trust me you do* that's lesson 1. I haven't mastered it yet because God is everything in everything to everyone. Make sense? I hope so. If not pick up that gem of a book by Neale Donald Walsch Conversations With God 1, 2, or 3 same difference God will direct you to the perfect one for you where you and he will, with your consent of course, rediscover just how intimately interlocked and enmeshed you are. Side bar - if the Creator of this whole thing we call life respects you to the point of requiring your consent to introduce himself to you do you see how valuable you are? How beautiful must you be that the God who paints sunsets and seashores wants nothing more than to converse with you? You reading this right now to him *I prefer to think of him as a dude because I love dudes* you're perfect, your big bum, knocked knees, cankles, acne blemished skin, unemployed, uneducated, can't find or keep a man or woman, dead end job, HIV positive, broke self is just beautiful to him for reasons best known to him which he will reveal to you if you let him. Everything you have been through everything you are going through now and everything that is still going to come your way is right and those tears that anger ,mistrust ,betrayal, grief, shame ugh whatever it is that is plaguing you I ask you to turn it over to him right now no ceremony or special words needed he is so informal he's worse than white people wearing shorts and flip flops to church... I digress.
God was lesson 1. Lesson 2: LOVE!!! I wasn't a particularly sour person to begin with but I did have a bitchy side, I didn't think it was that bad but I had still possibly do have the ability to cut with my words. I saw this over the weekend where I had the best Valentines day ever celebrating my bff's birthday. I saw people I hadn't seen in a while and we were swimming in those boozy bottles and our lips got loose. I love loose lips the best conversations happen I live for epic conversations because I love people. The stories of despicable things I had said to them were outrageous! But we laughed we hugged we danced we all left uplifted that's love. I still diss everyone and everything but its Sassy now no longer bitchy although I still have a quick temper, I love and accept myself and then they say I'm glowing (one of my favorite compliments to receive) and my only secret is love. Open your heart you'll be glad you did. Love enabled my friends to tease me mercilessly (those girls are hilarious) about that guy who was supposed to be my date but dropped me with the lamest excuse ever. Rejection has never been so funny... See how powerful love is? Few hours later I had another BETTER date hotness, manners and all! OMG!
This post is like that thing Jesus said when they asked him about the most important commandment!!!! I'll just polish my halo thank you very much I LOVE YOU thank you for reading go kiss somebody, sing your favorite song its life darling none of us makes it out alive!
