Of Angels and Blessers

South Africa is trending on Twitter! Any publicity is good publicity I suppose. Maybe people will stop coming to our shores to commit murder and instead commit to other things?  Everybody enjoys sex, our bodies need it according to Facebook surveys and scientific studies which I'm all for because Love Rocks! Now I'm no angel *well I could be under the right circumstances, white lingerie, candle light and such* but SA is trending because of Blesserfinder. I'm sure we all know what that is by now and I'm sure we've had lotsa discussions and drunken discourses about the phenomenon and our opinions are pretty much set at this point so fine, that's neither here nor there.

The page has 57 000 or so followers some looking to Bless, others looking to be Blessed - the lawyer in me hopes everybody is of consenting age *side - eyeing parents because duty lies with them to police Little Johnny and Suzie's social media antics* - and then there are the social voyeurs like me. Let me say: I am not opposed to the idea, it's a dating service with the caveat that Blessers need to bless their Blessees with the agreed upon sums of cash, gifts and trips in exchange for sex or whatever the Blessers requirements may be at the time. I see nothing wrong with that Sugar Daddies have been part of our social fabric for eons and some people even go on to marry their Benefactors. Would I be up for it? Ummmm yes and no. I would LOVE to have a Billionaire boyfriend shower me with stuff I only see on TV. But I would also need him to shower me with his love, affection and attention too. Married men are not my thing I like Monogamy I don't compromise on that, but then of course, not all Blessers are married. Thing is attraction is something tactile for me I like to "experience" a person live and in the flesh before I categorize them. So, cyber romance is not really my thing. To each his own, man! As long as it's legal, as long as it's safe, as long as it's fun for all participants I'm fine with it. The reality of the experiences people have on the site are plain hilarious... here are my favourites.

SUNSHINE

Go figure that I, JOY NONDUMISO NTOMBIYENKOSI ZULU would be sitting here wringing my hands unable to tell my up from my down! I preach love, I preach forgiveness, I preach self - acceptance and I live by those precepts I honestly do. I'm human and alas subject to fluctuating levels of being good to myself. I'm a  romantic at heart despite my aversion to soppy love songs and flowery greeting cards. I love roses - deep red ones - by the dozen only because I'm drawn to the thorns. I like how you have to hold them in a particular way to avoid getting pricked. Perfect analogy for love! I love peacocks because snake venom doesn't affect them, I  mean who would think that such ornate, opulent beauty could be so tough - I like that.

I know it's not Valentine's Day and before you wonder the answer is YES I believe in setting a day aside to celebrate and commemorate LOVE simply because on other days we are too busy with other things and I like how 14/02 forces us to put our focus on lurv. Which brings me to my point. No man, my point has nothing to do with Valentine's day and more to do with "the other things " that we do while navigating life.

We go through so much! Disappointment, Betrayal, Grief, Sorrow - we worry, we get down, we get put down, we struggle, we stifle emotions, we hold back our tears, we say yes to things that we would much rather say no to all in the name of living. We cannot get rid of these things, they are part of the human existence and we are able to handle them! It's called maturity. The thing we forget to do though is to release them after we have handled them. Let me explain.  I'm good at empathising - I weep for other people, I get angry on behalf of other people sometimes I even get depressed on behalf of other people, I even take on other people's bad moods and I have to remind myself that the bad mood is not mine and I mentally disentangle myself from those emotions which is why I don't do moody people, I actually don't understand how you can just wake up and choose to be sour to everyone and anyone for no reason except your mood. So I have my stuff which I tend to neglect because I make other people's stuff a priority. So I end up holding in a lot of stuff and I'm not good at reaching out. That's my m****f****n problem. That's why I was shocked to find that I n I, Queen Joy of the Kingdom of Heaven, fear happiness!  Can you believe it?!!!!! Not only do I fear happiness,  I fear love as well, I'm suspicious of people * MEN* who want nothing more than to see me smile. I don't even know when this started happening,  but I'm grateful to the person who helped me realise it. Now I can go about addressing the situation in hopes of redressing it.

That's why I'm wringing my hands. Someone I used to date in my University days was talking about meeting up with me soon. I had nothing to offer but excuses. I made excuses about having too many kids, I made excuses about how I had changed because of all the things I had been through and I was basically giving him reasons not to want me! I'm ashamed. When did my opinion of myself become so low? I'm such a confident person? Tears are falling down my eyes right now, cleansing tears of release. I'm so grateful to this guy for daring to force me to see good in myself. I am not my mistakes, I am not the reason why that guy *more than 1 guy* lied and cheated on me, I did not deserve the physical abuse, I should never have believed those verbally abusive remarks. I'm glad I got my physical self out of those situations now I'm freeing myself emotionally. I deserve that and I'm willing to trust God and open myself to HAPPYNESS. And LOVE. Because I'm worth it. YESSSSS!