It's NOT FAIR!

I can't for the life of me decide whether life is easy or not. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm here so I have to get busy living, every hour of everyday whether I feel like it or not.
The reason for my dichotomy is that I want to believe life is easy, kinda like breathing, but I have plenty evidence to the contrary. There is a popular maxim that goes 'LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT', you get out what you put in. I personally hate that maxim and for a while I made it a point to hate anyone who said it because how dare they insinuate that I ' got the deaths of my children' because of something I had "put in"??? I was a victim of life / God and just as my children would never return to me I was determined to revel in my victimhood. This brought me some semblance of solace and I spent many nights weeping never imagining that one day I would make peace with it and lead a happy productive life. For a while, I have to admit, I was addicted to the pity and as with any addiction, one can never get enough, however, (and this brings up another maxim), LIFE GOES ON. By that I mean, people get over whatever it is that ails you, and you are expected to wean yourself off the pity, get over your shit and go on. The victim in me thought this was unfair, I didn't even realize that I had progressed onto the next stage of grieving which is anger.
Anyone who knows me would never tie me to anger! My name is Joy for heavens sake and until then I was the type of person who would get upset, but never raise my voice or throw my toys out of the cot, original me was renowned for conflict avoidance and amicability. Yoh! I began slamming doors, screaming obscenities, once I nearly punched my supervisor at the place I worked at, instead I told her to leave me alone if she had any plans to spend the night with her family, after that I stormed off and left work by 11:30 am. The poor woman was so stunned all she could do by way of disciplining me was give me a written warning. That anger, I must admit, made me feel invincible. I lost many friends even worse people lost all respect for me but all I saw was my notoriety. I'm no longer that angry beast, however I know how to speak up for myself. So I suppose every cloud has a silver lining.
Am I any closer to understanding the ease or otherwise of life? Hmmm... Let me say this: LIFE IS EASIER SPELLED THAN LIVED, however it is a balance, what goes up must come down I'm not an expert of it yet, but I find it goes smoother when I just let go and surrender to whatever changes are afoot and accept what I cannot change, forgiving others is easy after I have forgiven myself, the other thing is: LIFE IS NOT FAIR but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and more human. I wish you peace as you gather the broken pieces.