Hello Adults! How's life? Good right? Yes, No, kinda sorta maybe? I don't really want to know anyway! I'm joking I do care that's one of the reasons why I take time to share insights. Not because I'm together, but because we're all a mess and we share pretty much the same struggles so we need to cut each other some slack! Keeping up appearances is so tiring and I'm lazy I really don't like to spend energy on useless pursuits. I really don't! Ask my exes... I'm joking don't simply because I'm telling you right now and Maya Angelou famously said "When someone shows you who they are: believe them, the first time."
This is the bee that's firmly stuck in my bonnet is how we tend to fear our own narrative and we get upset when somebody other than us tells it. Ooh gosh I need to break it down. We fear our own stories. Our personal HISTORY. You know like if your life was a movie, you wouldn't watch it, you wouldn't script it, you would relinquish all power over your own story simply out of fear. I see you going "no I wouldn't," getting all hoity - toity... stop. Would you include the story of the REAL number of abortions you've had? Would you add the story of that 3 day visit to the muti man so you would get that job or marry that guy? What about that money you embezzled? Would you tell that story truthfully ? What about your fear of abandonment would you talk about that? Do you even know what your greatest fear is? When last did you visit the skeletons in your closet? When do you plan to haul them out and Bury or burn them? Can your closet hold any more? May I suggest a thorough spring clean of your skeletons closet? Some of the skeletons in there are so old, they are just begging to be put to rest so they can decay and so keep the eco chain going!
The good news is that you are your own undertaker! All you have to do is own up to your mistakes, learn from them and forgive yourself. It's okay really it is one of my favourite Iyanla Vanzant quotes is "When you know better, you do better!" Knowing better = learning! A friend took out a loan to help out a boyfriend, I don't remember what he actually said to her, but we found out that he actually took the money and bought his other girlfriend a car! Her ego took a knock but he had promised to service the loan so no harm done, right ? Except he made only 1 payment, proposed to her and refused to pay another cent because he told her that she couldn't be his wife and loan shark at the same time, she had to choose. She chose wife, I don't feel like telling tell he rest of the story but the words 'train smash' aptly describe it. 10 years later she's free of the manipulative creep and although she got blacklisted she learnt the lesson on allowing yourself to be manipulated and the guy she is with now is really friggin awesome! You should hear her tell the story, it's so empowering. The truth is I'd heard it through the grapevine first and she'd reacted very aggressively when I'd asked her about it ( that's a sure sign of a story that's not being owned ) but just because you're avoiding it doesn't mean other people are too. Quite the opposite actually it's the strangest thing. The minute she owned up to it and reclaimed it as her own story, all the gossip died down. The car is lying in a scrap yard somewhere, the guy is... ain't nobody got time for him he's like on Victim Number 666 yes the number of Satan ( the story still upsets me, she thinks that's hilarious ).
This other girl forged her BCom degree certificate and was caught a few years ago. I used to work with her. For the longest while she was the joke of the town because she was trying so hard to deny the story. She left the town, I recently reconnected with her on Facebook and she's busy with her thesis right now, I checked her profile and there were pictures of her getting her degree in Actuarial Sciences! Who's laughing now?
See everybody makes mistakes and those who rejoice over other people's mistakes are usually those who have more than 1 skeleton closet and they can't bear to be alone with themselves so they fill their lives with noise to drown out the sound of skeleton bones bumping against each other in the closet! They're also very good at bullying other people but don't fear them they enjoy the smell of fear in the air. What we want is for them to go home and face their skeletons so don't engage them, you'll only be distracting them from the real work they need to do. There is power in owning your story! You could even save somebody least of all yourself!
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